


Alien Hunting is a Wild Ride, Baby

by JayTDawgzone9999



Category: Space ☆ Dandy, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Aliens, Distant future, F/M, Female Reader, Future, Future Fic, Outer Space, Reader-Insert, Self-Indulgent, Smut, Some Humor, space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-30 01:33:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18305459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayTDawgzone9999/pseuds/JayTDawgzone9999
Summary: You're an alien hunter living in the distant future and one day you hear a rumor about a super rare alien on a planet called Earth. Eager for adventure and the promise of a hefty reward, you make the leap and go on the wildest hunt of your life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just an excuse for me to a) combine my two favorite shows in one fanfic and b) more smut with my number 1 anime husbando/ favorite aztec god of fitness. 
> 
> You don't need to know a lot about Space Dandy to enjoy this one, it just happens to be set in a weird alternate universe where the events of Jojo and Space Dandy (which is set in the distant future,) happen.

The year was space century double 014, and you spent your days hunting aliens, hoping to get some sweet, sweet cash once you hauled the motherfuckers into the alien registration center to get examined.  
Usually, you walked away with less money than you wanted, but money was money, and your job was the perfect way to indulge your curiosity and sense of adventure, so you didn't spend a whole lot of time sweating the small stuff.  
You were by no means rich or famous, it was just you and your little dinky space ship cruising around the universe, and sometimes finances were tight, but you made do and life went on. 

"What?! What do you mean I only get 10 woo-longs for this? Are you crazy? I worked my ass off for this one!" You yelled at the woman working at the alien registration center. 

"I'm sorry, y/n, there are about 10 million of these registered at present. I can't give you anymore than that." She told you, pushing up her glasses with one finger (her middle finger.) 

"Really?!" You groused. "You're serious? Parking here cost more than that!" 

"Well, that's not my problem. If you want to make decent money, come back with a genuinely rare bounty." 

"Fine, see you later." You told the glasses-wearing red haired woman who just rejected your latest catch, giving her a casual wave as you started walking out, but unfortunately for you, the alien you dragged in bit someone right near you, who slapped you with enough force that you accidentally bumped into someone else, who in turn accidentally pulled the woman's glasses off her face while in his panic, he tried to grip onto something so he wouldn't fall over. 

"That's it, all of you get the hell out of here right now!" The woman behind the desk yelled, kicking everyone in the waiting room out. 

"Damn, I wonder how long I'm banned for." you asked yourself when you were lying around your spaceship. 

To be honest, you were a little bummed, but you weren't about to let this setback cramp your style. 

"Hey, radio!" You told your half-sentient radio while you were sprawled out on the floor. "Play some groovy tunes, I could use a pick-me up." 

It was an older model, as you couldn't afford any of the newer, shinier versions, but it did its job and without you needing to lift a finger, music started playing. 

"Be my be my be my be my, be my baby, be my be my be my be my, baby-" 

"Huh, I remember this song sucking a lot less." You said to yourself. "Radio, turn off." You told it, dragging yourself up to get out your boombox instead. 

A minute or so later, you found your boombox and your favorite CD, turning it on while you made your way to your next destination, a planet that supposedly had a colony of rare aliens. 

While you were busy flying your spaceship, humming to some groovy tunes to snap you out of your funk, you realized you were low on gas, so you made a quick detour to a nearby fuel station. 

Just as your gas tank was being filled up by an attendant, you saw an announcement on a floating triangular hologram mentioning something about a brand new report about a super rare alien with an 100,000,000 billion woo-long bounty for its capture that apparently was found on some planet called Earth.  
The name of the planet sounded vaguely familiar, but you didn't question it. 

"So! Many! Zeroes!" you shouted to yourself after leaving a fistful of money on the counter and flying off with your spaceship as soon as your gas tank had been filled and not a moment later. "I'm gonna be filthy bitch later-I mean filthy rich!" You whooped, flying at maximum speed to your new destination, not having bothered to wait for the announcement to finish. 

Visions of zeroes danced through your head like sweaty party goers at a rave while you rocketed through space at lightning speed, your nasty funk gone once and for all. 

"Hey, radio, what kind of music do they play on Earth?" You asked your radio system. 

"I'm glad you asked." the neutral robotic voice told you. "Allow me to play a traditional Earth ballad for you." 

In the blink of an eye, music flooded your eardrums like a tsunami. 

"Six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch! Six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch!" 

"Hey, this isn't bad, thanks, radio!" You thanked the partially-sentient device as you continued flying. 

"Paper chasing, tell that paper, Look I'm right behind ya bitch, real G's move in silence like lasagna-" 

"Alright, I'm almost there, I can't wait-I'm so excited I could eat my shorts!" you said a while later when you saw a blue and green shape appear in your line of vision, a million thoughts buzzing through your head while the song continued playing. Maybe there would be cool people there you could hang with, or maybe the alien would turn out to be a super hot guy (but that was unlikely, you admitted to yourself,) your train of thought chugging right along as the music kept on playing right up until your control panel made a shrill beeping noise. 

"Aaaagh! What do you mean system malfunction! You butt! I'm gonna kick your ass, I just got you fixed by a professional a week ago!" You yelled, leaping out of your seat and grabbing the adjustable screen. 

Sure, you ship wasn't the newest or the fanciest, but you put a lot of TLC into your baby and it wasn't *that* old. 

"Attention: All systems entering critical failure-please disembark in T-minus 5 minutes." 

"No, damn you! I was gonna be rich! How could you betray me like this?! All that tender loving care, was it all for nothing?!" You yelled, gripping onto your seat for dear life, the strange blue and green planet rushing up to meet you and your spaceship. 

Your last thoughts before entering the planet's atmosphere were something along the lines of "If I die, at least I'll die with a full head of hair."


	2. Chapter 2

Within minutes, your ship had entered the atmosphere and fell into an enormous tree, which was so densely packed with leaves and branches that it slowed you down and broke your fall well enough that you stopped in plenty of time before you hit the ground, surviving your unorthodox descent onto the bizzare blue-green planet with only some minor scrapes and bruises. 

One of the windows got completely blown out in the process, so after salvaging what you could from your ship, which was sort of smashed up but not completely destroyed, you made your exit and realized you were in a very large, healthy looking tree with branches strong enough to support your weight when you managed to crawl over to a branch that your ship wasn't touching. 

"And there goes my way back to the alien registration center." you thought when a mini explosion damaged part of your already fucked up ship. 

"Well, it's not like I can stay in this tree forever." You thought, carefully climbing down. 

The tree had enough branches that you were able to make a slow, relatively safe descent to the ground. 

"Oh boy, that looks like it's as dead as it gets." You said when you checked your phone and realized you couldn't turn it on. "Oh well." 

Once you got a good look at your surroundings, you realized you were in some kind of tropical climate, perhaps a jungle or rainforest or something similar.  
Something else also caught your attention, or rather, the lack of it did. 

"It's pretty quiet. I wonder if there are people around." you asked yourself. 

The only sounds you heard were the buzzing of insects, chirping of birds, and other noises you'd expect to hear in the sort of tropical environment you had crash-landed into, and the only thing you saw besides plants and nature was a statue that appeared to be a large stone head.  
It was humid but not oppressively so, and your clothes were well-suited for the climate so you weren't too uncomfortable. 

Still, though, the lack of people made you wonder, at least until you heard a rustling sound nearby. 

"I'm really curious about this super rare alien." you thought. "I'm not giving up until I find it." 

So you walked on, prepared to travel for however long it took to find something that looked like a super rare alien until you ran into something-or, rather, someone who, when you first laid eyes on him, almost sent you into shock. 

The man in front of you had long, thick waves of violet hair cascading down his back, three small horns on his head, red eyes, and the most fit, muscular body you had ever seen, which his very minimal clothing showed perfectly, and he was tall-at least 6 feet if you had to guess, likely more. 

He certainly didn't look like a super rare alien, but you were by no means disappointed, not after laying eyes on someone as stunning as him. 

"Is it just me or did it get hotter now? Eh, probably just me." You thought. 

Part of you did wonder if he was, in fact, the super rare alien you were hunting, but you mentally brushed that thought off, as much as you liked to daydream about your wildest fantasies, you figured there was no reason to assume they would actually come true.  
At any rate, he didn't give you time to say anything about him first because he decided to break the silence first. 

"It's been quite some time since I've seen a human." he said, his pleasant-sounding deep voice sparking a certain familiar feeling inside you. "What brings you here? If you lie to me, I'll know, so don't even think about it." 

You remembered humans used to be dominant species on Earth, but some time long ago in the past, that all changed and now you were all spread out throughout the universe wherever you could find somewhere hospitable to live.  
You never once imagined you would travel to this planet until you saw the announcement on the hologram and there you were, with some very unusual (and interesting) company to boot. 

"I'm an alien hunter." you told him. "I look for rare species of aliens no one has discovered yet and bring them back to the alien registration center to get registered. They just record some information about the aliens I find and then let them go. I heard a rumor there was a super rare alien on this planet that I could get a whole lot of money for because I'm broke, but I have zero clue what it looks like though and my spaceship got destroyed when I crash-landed here so I was just gonna wing it and see what happens." 

You noticed the man in front of you seemed to be frowning until your last sentence, at which point his expression changed to something more like confusion. 

So the human had no intention to kill him, he thought, although he was also basing his assessment off the slight blush that colored your cheeks when you laid eyes on him as well as the tone of your voice. 

"So you traveled all this way to find an alien you know nothing about for money, is that it then?" he asked you. 

"Yeah, pretty much. I told you I was broke, and money is money. Plus hunting aliens sure beats some other stuff I could be doing for money." 

Though his face showed almost no emotion, you found him interesting all the same, and not just because he was an extremely fit, attractive man wearing next to nothing. 

He studied you for a moment before responding, his bright red eyes scanning you as if searching for some sign that you were lying or that you had malicious intentions towards him until he felt satisfied he knew the answer. 

"You humans aren't really know for your long-term thinking, I suppose." he remarked. "But I can tell that you mean me no harm and you seem entertaining enough, so I won't shoo you away, at least not until I get bored. It's not like I have anything better to do anyways." 

His answer took you off guard, but you couldn't help but admit you were thoroughly intrigued by this man-what was his story? Why was he living here all alone (or so it seemed?) And it wasn't like you had anything better to do anyways, now that your ship was destroyed, not unless your phone somehow magically came back to life.

Sure, you could just continue to hunt for the rare alien by yourself, but you had never been to this planet before and you had a feeling this man could give you useful information about this planet, so you figured there was no harm in staying with him for a while.  
It was no challenge to make up your mind, so for the time being, you decided to accompany him.

"How long have you lived here?" You asked him when he told you to sit down and wait a moment while he fixed one of the straps that appeared to be connected to one of his shin guards.

"Long enough. Longer than any of your kind have been alive, that is. I've traveled every corner of this planet before your kind were even the dominant species of this planet."

"Oh wow, how old are you exactly?" You asked. "Sorry if that's too personal." You added as a sudden afterthought, remembering just how dangerous this man was. He was easy on the eyes, and easy to listen to as well, but you could tell by the way he carried himself and the way his careful gaze studied you that this was an immensely dangerous man-far more so than any human could be and most likely more than any of the aliens you had encountered in your travels. And yet you found yourself enjoying his company, enough that you felt you would have enjoyed it even if he wasn't the only other sentient being you had encountered on this strange humid planet.

"It's nothing I haven't been asked before." he replied. "Around the time your species was the dominant one of this planet, I was around 100,000 years old. By now, it's closer to almost twice that."

You couldn't help but stare at him wide-eyed in shock, and he didn't fail to notice.

"Woah, really? You really don't look that old. I mean, not that I'd know, 'cause I've never met-well, you know what I mean." You had a train of thought heading somewhere, but it decided to take a sudden detour and you were no longer the captain of that particular train.

He smirked at you. How easily flustered humans got, he thought. Predictable, of course, but not always boring.  
Sometimes it could even be entertaining.

"Well, anyways" You said, desperately trying to re-rail your thought train. "Do you live alone? Are there any others of your kind, or are you the only one? I imagine it would be pretty lonely to be the only one." You said. "I mean, sometimes I get lonely when I'm on a long mission, and I run into other humans all the time, including annoying people-there are way too many of those actually-"

"You can slow down a little." he cut you off. "It's not like I'm busy with anything at the moment. If I were, I would have told you to leave."

"Oh, sorry." You apologized. "I just like meeting new people and learning about new things. It's part of the reason I do my job, after all." You informed him.

"There used to be others of my kind, but I happen to be the last one." he told you, not bothering to verbally acknowledge your apology and instead deciding to continue the general conversation. "I suppose if I were to look at it from a human perspective, I've been alone for quite some time, but the solitude has not been too terrible for me. At any rate, it beats dealing with some of the useless scum I've had to deal with before." he finished, having just re-attached the strap to his shin guard.

You had to wonder what he meant by that last comment.  
You couldn't imagine many people willing to harass a man as dangerous and strong-looking as him, your first thought was.  
On the other hand, you considered, perhaps many people wanted the thrill of challenging a strong man like him to say they were brave enough to do so, or perhaps to try to defeat him and then be able to get the ego boost that would surely follow.  
Perhaps that was what happened to the rest of his kind, in fact.

In that light, you thought, perhaps his odd personality made some sense after all.

At any rate, speaking of thrills, (and entirely unexpected ones at that,) you felt your heart jump when he got closer to you and lifted your chin up a fraction of an inch to get a better look at you. "Still." he declared. "It's been long enough since I had any company worth having, in a number of ways. However, it looks like I may have found the solution to that particular problem for the time being."

Suddenly aware of the deep vibration of his voice so close to your ear and him making direct eye contact with you mere inches away from your face, you felt a sudden weird thrill, the sensation itself not being completely foreign to you but the intensity of it taking you completely off guard.

"A solution? And what kind of solution would that be?" You asked him, hoping the blush on your face wasn't too obvious.


	3. Chapter 3

Kars smirked, eyeing you with obvious interest.  
You had a pretty good guess what he had in mind, and you hoped you were right. 

"Oh, I think you already know the answer to that." 

As soon as you heard that, you smirked right back at him.  
He was certainly a rare specimen, but you had zero clue if he was the super rare alien you were looking for, but you also had approximately negative fucks to give at the moment. 

Though it was still sort of humid (judging by your surroundings, you seemed to be in or near a rain-forest, after all,) you were surprised that the ground didn't feel damp at all when he pushed you down on it, you realized after you slid off your shoes and pushed them to the side with your bare feet.  
There wasn't much dirt either, or at least if there was, it didn't rub off on you.  
Perhaps the lack of other people around to fuck up the environment was the reason, you thought, until you got distracted by Kars kissing you starting at your feet and going up one of your legs. 

You didn't surprise yourself at all when you let out a small but high-pitched, girly shriek when he pushed your shirt over your head and pulled the rest of your clothes off in one swift motion, peppering you with kisses all up and down your legs. 

"Rare aliens or not, this planet is pretty damn awesome." You thought when you felt him start to caress one of your legs, stroking it like a guitar and leaned closer to you to bite your neck. 

Your first instinct was to try to wrap your arms around his neck, but that proved to be difficult with the long, thick waves of his violet hair in the way, so you ended up tangling your hands in it instead while you grabbed onto whatever you could get your hands on-your hands grasping for something to hold until you felt them slide right through his hair-it was extraordinarily soft and your fingers glided through it like silk-somehow you had a feeling he didn't have access to conditioner, so you had to assume his hair was just naturally that soft. 

The only background noise was the same as before-a few buzzing insects and some chirping birds, and perhaps the distant chatter of a monkey or two, not that you were paying close attention, being otherwise preoccupied, but you certainly noticed the way Kars sucking on the wound he left on your neck made your whole body thrum with an electric heat, your heart pounding and cheeks growing warmer by the second.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the sun was close to setting, although if you had to guess, it wasn't imminent within the next few minutes and considering who you were with just then, you had no concern about your safety.  
Your thoughts were hazy, slowly breaking and forming back together, as if they were being blended into some invisible smoothie-if you weren't otherwise occupied at the moment, you thought, a smoothie would sound really good. 

After a few moments of you wriggling around trying to get more comfortable (and also trying to suppress some laughter because you were a bit ticklish,) you felt your hands make contact with the dense, well-defined muscles of Kars back, but not a moment later did did he scoop you right up against him and flip over so you were lying on top of him, prompting you to let out a short, quick gasp of surprise.

"Now, now, don't be in such a rush-there's plenty of time, little one." he murmured, rubbing your back for a moment before digging his nails into your hips just a little and kissing the same spot on your neck he had just bitten a few moments ago. 

You let out an excited, girly shriek when he flipped you over so you were on your back and he was on top of you again, your cheeks burning with heat when he began kissing you all the way down your body, starting from your neck, sliding a few fingers inside you somewhere along the way.

"oh-" You gasped, the new sensation surprising you in the best way possible-you weren't quite sure why it felt so much better when he did it than when you did it to yourself, but you didn't question it too much, why over-analyze a good thing, after all?

"Perfect-you're quite a cute little human-what a cute face you're making right now." he said, smirking just a little (well, for him, at least.) 

You tensed up a little when he moved his fingers in and out of you more quickly, making you suddenly aware of the wetness between your legs-not that you weren't wet before, but it was significantly more noticeable now, the heat coiling inside you growing along with it. 

"You're not the first by a long shot." he started. "But you're certainly a cute one." he continued, moving his fingers in swift, precise motions-you had no doubt in your mind that he knew what he was doing, and your body appreciated it more than you could bother to put into words even if you had been able to string together a clear, concise sentence. 

Still, you thought, he sure had you looking forward for other things, and you hoped he wouldn't take too terribly long, with you being as wet as you were.  
You didn't have to hope too long, and you thanked your lucky stars when he pulled you close to him, close enough that you were pressed right up against him, able to feel the pleasant warmth of his body warming your own skin-not that you weren't already warm, but it felt good anyways, the blood pounding in you ears as he then positioned you to give himself enough room to line himself up and enter you.

The stars in your eyes exploded into a metaphorical supernova when he pushed his cock inside you at just the right angle-you were also pleasantly surprised for other reasons-like some perverse version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, it was neither too big or too small, it was just the right size, not that you would win any literary awards for publishing a book about it, but whatever. 

Still, it was hard not to yelp a little when he bottomed out inside you, his cock stretching your walls quite adequately, maybe a little more, but not enough to cause you significant pain.

Whatever pain was present soon disappeared with several hard snaps of his hips as he built up a perfect rhythm-which, for him, did not take long at all, and for you, caused you to moan little in short gasps and sharp breaths as he bucked his hips, his large hands gripping onto your waist at first until he brought one hand to your mouth and told you to suck on his fingers. 

His fingers took up a little more room in your mouth than you expected, but considering the way you were feeling, you weren't about to complain.  
In fact, something about having something long and faintly warm in your mouth while he was pounding you into the dirt served to increase your arousal, something he was quick to notice. 

His eyes widened for a split second when you began sucking on his fingers, though really you were just going along with your immediate instinct, but he seemed pleased all the same. 

You were almost disappointed when he took his fingers out of your mouth a few moments later, but any disappointment vanished when you got a better look at his face. 

"How does it feel?" he asked you, his smooth, deep voice unraveling any semblance of coherent thought left in your brain even more. 

"Hot...really hot...and big." you managed to get out. 

"Good." He smirked. "That's a good girl." he told you when you wrapped your legs around his waist as well as you could-it was a bit difficult, but you wer no quitter and you weren't about to start now when Kars was busy re-arranging your guts with each powerful snap of his hips. 

You felt your cheeks burn, surprised that it was even possible at this point, but said nothing as he continued pounding into you, his cock filling you as much as possible, leaving absolutely no space at all. 

Your hair was a mess and you were panting and breathing quite heavily now, hot and sweaty, with absolutely no care in the world as he thrust into you, pounding your cunt at an intense, brutal pace, though he gave away few clues that he was getting closer to finishing himself. 

You squeezed your cunt around his cock with every possible ounce of strength you felt was left in you, though it only got a slight groan from him, you felt yourself beam with joy regardless, giggling just a little and sighing when you heard his response, uncaring about the bits of leaves and flowers and twigs that were rubbing against your hair now. 

When Kars pulled you closer to him by wrapping one arm behind your back, you dug your nails into his broad, muscled back hard enough to draw blood, gritting your teeth together and making a wordless moan without opening your mouth as you felt yourself quickly approach your peak, taking several sharp, deep breaths until you felt yourself go over the edge, sighing in response, and a few seconds later, you were suddenly aware of the new sensation that let you know that Kars had just finished, his hips stilling after a few more deep thrusts, white hot liquid filling your cunt. 

It was almost difficult to breathe, even when Kars slid his cock out a few seconds later-seconds, minutes, you weren't really sure, but you really didn't care, patiently waiting for your vision to focus again and the excess thick warm liquid to leak out of you while you stared at the now setting sun, Kars brushing some of your hair out of your face. 

"Good girl, you did a wonderful job, sweet thing." Kars told you, stroking the side of your face. "I certainly made the right decision to let you stay around."  
You reached a hand up to touch his face while he kissed your forehead, the gentle warmth of his lips making you feel like a giddy teenager while you slowly cooled down and he began picking some bits of twigs and leaves and out of your hair. 

It was hard to stay awake, but when Kars helped you up, telling you that he wanted to take you back with him to where he was staying for the time being, you didn't protest, brushing yourself off before he wiped off some sweat from your face with his hand. 

"Hey, is it okay if I ask you something?" You asked. 

"Go ahead." he told you.

"Can we do that again sometime?" 

He laughed a little, the wicked grin on his face told you everything you needed to know. "Don't worry." he began. "There will be plenty of time, I'll make sure of it."


End file.
